


May 2nd

by old_robliz



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-02
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-06-05 22:16:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6725635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/old_robliz/pseuds/old_robliz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The love story of Sam and Dean told through yearly snapshots on Sam's birthday.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. May 2nd 1995

Sam Winchester woke up on the morning of his twelfth birthday with only one thought in his mind. Dean. He rolled over and looked across to the next bed where his brother lay fast asleep. The blankets had slipped off the bed revealing Dean’s toned body dressed in boxers and a paper thin t-shirt. Sam raked his eyes over his brother’s body, taking in every muscle, scar and blemish. He had been memorising Dean’s body for months, years even. As long as Sam could remember, he had looked at Dean. He couldn’t remember when his feelings had changed though. Couldn’t remember the moment where he looked at Dean and instead of seeing his big brother, there to protect him and care for him, he saw Dean, handsome and loving. Couldn’t remember the first time he wanted to touch Dean, not for comfort, but because every bone in his body told him to, because he wanted to see what every muscle felt like, what every inch of skin tasted like.

 Sam knew it was wrong. He was smart and he knew how to research. One night after school in the deserted library he had searched the shelves for any reference to brotherly love he could find.

_Everywhere that awful word shouted out at him. Incest. Everywhere told him that he was sick and wrong. Slamming the books closed he ran out of the library with tears filling his eyes. Not looking where he was going he ran back towards the motel. He ran across the parking lot and slammed straight into something solid. Wiping his eyes, Sam looked up. Dean looked down at him._

_“Hey, what’s the rush Sammy? Can’t wait to start your homework?”_

_Sam pushed past him angrily._

_“Come on Sammy. I was only joking.”_

_Sam went through the open down into their motel room and climbed into his bed pulling the covers over his head. He felt the mattress shift slightly as Dean sat down on the bed next to him._

_“What’s the matter Sammy? Is it school? Girls? Dad?”_

_Dean gently pulled the covers down so that Sam’s head was visible. He stroked Sam’s hair as Sam pressed his face into the lumpy mattress._

_“Come on Sammy. Maybe I can help?”_

_Sam’s voice was muffled by the mattress as he spoke._

_“Don’t want to talk about it.”_

_Dean just continued stroking his hair._

_“Okay Sammy.”_

_There was a pause as Dean ran a hand through his own hair._

_“You know I love you right Sammy? You know that you are my whole world and that there is nothing you could possibly say or do that could change that?”_

_Sam turned his head to look at his big brother. He sat up and wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist._

_“I know Dean.”_

_“Right. Okay.”_

_Dean suddenly appeared embarrassed and pulled away from Sam. He stood up and walked over towards the door._

_“So what d’ya want from the diner tonight?”_

That was a few months ago now. Since then they had moved states twice and were now living in a tiny two bed apartment in a backwater of Nebraska. Sam could hear his dad snoring away in the adjacent room as he slowly and quietly slipped out of bed and stood over the sleeping Dean in the next bed. Taking a deep breath to settle his nerves, Sam reached out one hand and touched Dean’s cheek. He had half expected Dean to jerk awake at this, grabbing the knife Sam knew was under the pillow, but Dean only sighed softly in his sleep. Feeling a bit bolder now Sam moved his fingers across to Dean’s lips. He felt electricity coursing through his body and his heart was beating so hard that Sam thought it might burst out of his chest any moment now. Dean wriggled slightly. Sam could tell he was about to wake up. It was now or never.

Quick as a flash, before his nerves got the better of his, Sam replaced his fingers with his lips, pressing them to Dean’s chapped ones. The kiss lasted less than a second before Sam pulled away and jumped back into his own bed.

Dean groaned and rolled over but did not wake. Sam heaved a sigh of relief and licked his lips. They tasted strange somehow. He puzzled over it for a second then realised. They tasted of Dean.


	2. May 2nd 1996

Sam was woken on the morning of his thirteenth birthday by a strange, cold sensation in his ear. He rolled over to find Dean leaning over him.

“Morning teenager!” Dean said with a huge grin across his face. “Up and at ‘em.”

“Were you just blowing in my ear?”

“Yeah. Problem?”

“Ugh Dean. Leave me alone.”

Sam tried to pull the covers back over his head but Dean grabbed them as well. Sam pulled with all his strength but Dean, with his strong, muscular, 17 year old arms was always going to win. Sam had a quick glance at the muscles in Dean’s arms moving under his skin before Dean managed to pull both the covers and Sam himself off the bed and onto the cold, hard floor.

Sam groaned and sat up, his legs still caught up in the bed sheets. Dean smirked at him as he stood over him.

“What? Don’t you want to get to school on time? Don’t tell me you’ve gotten all rebellious on me now you are officially a teenager.”

“Since when did you care about whether I go to school?” Sam threw back at him. “Usually you’re begging me to stay at home with you so you don’t get bored.”

“Yeah well I’ve got stuff to do, people to see.”

“And I assume none of this ‘stuff’ involves showing up for class?”

“I told you Sammy. No point in me going anymore. I’m more use earning money or helping dad.”

“De-ean!”

“Tell you what Sammy,” Dean said, reaching out a hand to help Sam up onto his feet, “If you go to school today without making such a fuss, I’ll go tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Sam mumbled.

“Cheerleading practice tomorrow anyway. Wouldn’t miss that for the world!”

Sam thumped Dean on the shoulder.

“Ugh Dean. Why d’ya have to be so…”

“Amazing, awesome, brilliant, handsome?”

“Pervy.”

Sam rushed into the bathroom and locked the door before Dean had a chance to attack him.

Dean sang along to the radio as he drove Sam into school. They had been in Potters’ Hill, Oregon for about a month now. Dad had dumped them in a motel room on the outskirts of town and told them he would be back in a week.  The money he’d left them had run out in 10 days. Luckily, by that time Dean had charmed the old woman who ran the bookstore into giving him a job. It had started out just being weekends but Dean had decided that he wasn’t going to school anyway so he may as well be working the rest of the week. The old lady didn’t mind. Dean had told her that he was nineteen anyway so she was just glad of the extra help. And Sam, while he whinged about Dean not coming to school, actually quite enjoyed grabbing a book off the shelf after school and reading in the corner, half his attention on Dean as he flirted with the local girls.

Dean pulled the Impala up in front of school, ignoring the yellow school bus honking its horn behind them.

“Okay squirt. Out you get,” Dean said.

“Don’t call me squirt. I’m nearly as tall as you now.”

“Yeah nearly like we nearly have enough money to buy the whole of Kansas.”

“Hey. Dad said I might keep growing for years yet,” Sam said indignantly.

“Yeah well Dad’s not here.”

The bus honked its horn again. Dean stuck his head out of the window.

“Yeah, yeah,” he shouted. “Give me a minute.”

He pulled his head back in and turned to Sam.

“Right. You’d better get going. I’ll pick you up after school.”

“Aren’t you working today?” asked Sam curiously.

“No. Like I said people to do, stuff to see. Now skedaddle kiddo.”

Dean reached across and ruffled Sam’s hair. Sam rolled his eyes at Dean while secretly enjoying the sensation.

“Okay, okay I’m going.”

Sam climbed out of the car and slammed the door shut behind him. The Impala roared away. The school bus pulled into the now empty space. Sam turned his back and walked up the steps and into school followed by a crowd of kids.

 

School was no different than usual. He hadn’t told anyone that it was his birthday. He didn’t want a fuss made of him or anything. So he sat through his classes, only paying attention when they covered something new. In English, where they were reading To Kill a Mockingbird, he doodled on a scrap bit of paper, entwining his and Dean’s initials. He knew the story back to front anyway. He’d read it himself a couple of years ago and this was the third time he had sat through English classes on it.

At lunch he sat at a table with his sort-of friends and smiled at their jokes. He said hi to the pretty girl from his math class who couldn’t hold a candle to Dean. He acted as normally as he could remembering not to make himself stand out too much. Didn’t want people asking too many questions about his life.

 

As the bell rang at the end of last period, Sam shoved his things into his bag and ran out the door. He shot down the corridors and out the main entrance.

Dean was there sat on the hood of the Impala in the sunshine. A group of girls were openly staring at him and giggling. Dean blew them a kiss which made the giggling increase. One of them plucked up the courage to go and speak to him just at the moment that Dean spotted Sam stood on the steps. He immediately lost all interest in the girls and jumped off the hood.

“Hey Sammy, hurry up” he yelled.

Sam smiled and ran down the steps. As he reached the Impala Dean pulled him into a hug. It should have been embarrassing, being hugged right outside school by your big brother but Sam didn’t care. He felt more alive when his brother was touching him.

“Good day?” asked Dean as he released him.

“Alright I suppose.” replied Sam shrugging.

“Much homework?”

“Essay on To Kill a Mockingbird for Monday.”

Dean looked at him slightly puzzled.

“Ain’t you already read that?” he questioned.

“Yeah.”

Sam was quiet for a moment.

“Since when do you pay attention to what I read?”

“Since forever. Anyway you wouldn’t stop talking about it when you first read it, all about Scout and Atticus and how unfair the world was.”

Sam grinned. He liked knowing that Dean had been paying attention to his reading habits.

“Anyway squirt, let’s get back to the motel before those girls try to jump us.” Dean said, grinning.

“I told you not to call me squirt!” said Sam as he opened the car door.

“Squirt, squirt, squirt!” sang Dean as he started up the engine and the Impala roared off down the road.

 

When the Impala pulled up in front of the motel, Dean leapt out and tossed Sam the keys.

“Grab the bags in the trunk Sammy,” he yelled as he ran into their room.

Sam rescued his school bag from the back seat and then walked around the car to the trunk. A quick wrestle with the lock and he had it open. There was a couple of grocery bags sat there. Sam groaned as a porn mag fell out of one of them as he lifted it. He gathered everything up and locked the car. He really didn’t get why Dean couldn’t have got them himself.

Muttering under his breath, he pushed open the door to their room. The lights were off and the curtains drawn.

“Dean? Where are you?” Sam said as he fumbled in the dark to find the light switch. Clicking the switch, the room was filled with the dim light of the cheap low wattage bulb in the ceiling.

Sam gasped. The light had revealed what Dean had been hiding. The whole room was covered in decorations. Paper chains were strung back and forth across the room. A happy birthday banner was plastered to the wall above his bed. Helium balloons covered the ceiling, their ribbons dangling down to brush against Sam’s face as he took another step into the room.

Dean was sat right on the edge of Sam’s bed. Right on the edge because the rest of the bed was covered in presents. Sam took another step towards him as Dean yelled “Surprise!”

Dean opened his arms and Sam fell into them happily. Dean pulled his close and whispered “Happy birthday Sammy” in his ear. Sam burrowed his face into Dean’s neck and savoured the closeness.


	3. May 2nd 1997

Sam rolled over in bed and snuggled up to Dean. Dean let out a soft sigh and wrapped his arms around Sam.

“Morning birthday boy,” Dean whispered.

“Morning,” Sam whispered back. He really didn’t want to wake their Dad in the next bed. Not yet anyway. As soon as Dad was awake he would be making them get up and go on a run. Sam really just wanted to stay here safe in Dean’s arms forever. He wasn’t sure how much longer they could persuade Dad that them sharing a bed was perfectly normal.

“You wanna go to the cinema after school?” Dean whispered.

“Sure,” Sam replied.

There was a grunt from John in the other bed.

“Boys.”

“Better be getting up Sammy I think. Race ya to the park,” challenged Dean.

He leapt out of bed and started pulling on his shorts and t-shirt. Sam rolled over to watch him.

“Come on. It’s no fun winning if you don’t even try,” Dean said.

Sam took one last lingering look at his brother’s tanned limbs and clambered out of bed. He grabbed his duffel and started rooting around for some semi-clean clothes. By this point Dean was lacing his sneakers.

“Need a hand?” Dean said with a smirk.

Sam blushed bright red, his thoughts stuck on Dean peeling the clothes off him and putting his hands all over his body.

“Dean…I…” he stuttered.

“Hey, teasing!” said Dean as Sam dropped the clothing onto the floor and stared at his feet.

“Look, get changed quick. I’ll wait for you outside.”

Sam heaved a deep breath as the door slammed shut behind Dean. He was glad that he was wearing an old, baggy pair of sweatpants as the bulge at his crotch was not that obvious. He really didn’t want to have to explain that to Dean. Or dad for that matter, who was snoring again.

Three minutes later and Sam was running down the road after Dean who was putting his longer legs to good use.

“Suck it loser,” Dean yelled back as he turned a corner. Sam’s face went beet red again at the comment. He really needed to get these feelings under control.

By the times Sam made it to the park, Dean was lying on his back on the grass. Sam flopped down next to him and tried to catch his breath. He smiled as Dean rolled over and pulled Sam into a tight hug. Dean had been doing that a lot since 4th July. Ever since he’d gotten hold of some fireworks and taken Sam off into the middle of nowhere to set them off.

_They both clambered out of the car. Sam ran round to the trunk to grab the box and fireworks and excitedly started setting them out._

_“Come on let’s go,” he shouted to his brother who just stood there staring at him. “Got your lighter? Fire ‘em up!”_

_They each took a firework in their hands and Sam watched at Dean lit them carefully with the lighter. Suddenly the air was filled with colourful sparks bringing a smile to both their faces._

_“Dad would never let us do anything like this,” Sam said as the fireworks stopped, “Thanks Dean, This is great.”_

_He dropped the firework and wrapped both his arms tightly around Dean. After a moment’s pause he felt Dean’s arms curling around his back. Dean pulled him tight as though he never wanted to let go._

_“Sammy…”_

_Sam pulled away reluctantly to go and light the other fireworks._

_“Fire in the hole!” he yelled as he raced back to Dean. The light of the fireworks was reflecting across his face and Sam thought that he had never looked more beautiful. He grinned and pressed his body against Dean’s side. Dean glanced down at him and smiled. Sam felt like his heart was going to explode. He wanted to scream with happiness. Dean gave him a small nudge and Sam went over towards the fireworks. He raised his hands and danced with the pure pleasure of the moment as Dean watched with an unreadable look on his face._

_The fireworks soon ended and Sam made his way back towards the Impala._

_“Sam…”_

_Dean’s voice was strained and his eyes looked like they were filling with tears._

_“Dean?”_

_“Let’s not go back yet. Let’s stay here a while longer.”_

_“Okay Dean,” Sam replied, barely able to keep his feelings off his face._

_Dean grabbed Sam’s arm and pulled him close again. Sam buried his face in Dean’s chest and felt Dean pressing his cheek against the top of his head. They stood still, wrapped in each other, for what felt like an eternity. Then Dean moved towards the car. Sam’s heart sank. Was that the end of the night? So soon?_

_Dean had other ideas though. He jumped up onto the hood of the car and motioned to Sam to follow him. Heart beating heavily, Sam climbed up too. Dean pulled him up so he was seated between his legs, Sam’s back flat against Dean’s chest. Dean wrapped his arms around Sam again and pushed his face into his neck._

_“You are my whole world,” Dean whispered so quietly that Sam was not sure he had even heard him._

_They sat like that, pressed against each other on the hood of the Impala, for hours. Sam fell asleep at some point and only woke as the first rays of sunlight began to light up the field. Dean was softly snoring underneath him. Sam shook him gently to wake him._

_Without saying a word to each other, they headed back to the motel and climbed into separate beds. The mood between them had changed though. Something had passed between them that could never be forgotten._

Sam and Dean lay on the grass at the edge of the park clinging on to each other until the sound of a delivery truck broke them out of their bubble. Quick as a flash, Dean stood up tugging Sam with him.

“Come on. We better get back or you’ll be late for school.”

They wandered back towards the motel, breaking into a run near the end just in case John happened to be looking out the window.

“Shotgun first shower!” Dean bellowed as he reached the door. He swung the door open and immediately started stripping down. Sam froze as Dean’s t shirt and shorts hit the ground followed by his boxers. Sam’s eyes followed a bead of sweat as it ran right down Dean’s back and into the crack of his ass. Then Dean was gone. Into the bathroom with the sound of water hitting the cracked bathtub as the shower was switched on.

Sam shook his head as though the image would just fall out. But he knew that it wouldn’t. It was burned into his memory forever. One more perfect image of Dean to go with all the other perfect images of him stored in Sam’s mind. Sam really wished that Dad wasn’t there. What he wanted more than anything right now was to jerk off to the sound of Dean showering. Sam got the feeling that nothing in his life would ever go to plan.

 

Dean picked him up from school in the Impala. The town was a small one and had just the one school. Sam dodged the tiny grade schoolers as he made his way towards the car. Dean’s face lit up as he saw Sam approaching. Sam grinned at the effect he was having on Dean. He slid into the passenger seat and threw his bag in the back. Dean’s arm slipped around him as he settled into the seat and Sam allowed himself to lean into Dean’s heat.

“Good day?”

“Not too bad,” replied Sam. “Where are you taking me?”

“I found an old drive-in theater in the next county. They’re showing Star Wars tonight.”

“Special edition?” Sam said excitedly.

“Special edition,” echoed Dean.

“God you’re awesome Dean,” exclaimed Sam.

Dean grinned at Sam and pulled him closer again.

“I know. Thought we’d grab some food first and head out there. Movie starts at 8,” said Dean.

 

Sam tucked into his veggie burger and fries as Dean fiddled with the radio attempting to tune it into the movie.

“You know you can get CD players for cars now? Maybe we should upgrade,” Sam mentioned as Dean let out another curse word.

“Sacrilege!”

Eventually the radio tuned in and the sound of the first few adverts came blaring into the car. Dean leant over and stole a fry from Sam.

“Oi. Get your own,” Sam said while batting Dean’s hand away.

“Stolen fries taste so much better,” replied Dean as he went in for another one.

Sam grabbed Dean’s hand in an attempt to stop him taking any more fries. The electricity that surged its way up his arm upon contact was surprising but not unfamiliar. What was unfamiliar was the way that Dean twisted his hand round in order to lace his fingers through Sam’s, his thumb rubbing gentle circles onto the back of Sam’s hand. Sam glanced up at Dean, his cheeks burning. Dean just smiled gently at Sam and reached his other arm around his waist. He tugged Sam up against his side. Sam felt like his whole body was on fire. What did it mean? Why was Dean doing this?

Somehow Dean seemed to sense Sam’s unease.

“Stop thinking so hard and finish up your food. The movie’s about to start,” he whispered into Sam’s ear releasing Sam’s hand but continuing to hold his waist. Sam obeyed instructions and continued to eat the burger and fries.

 

As the movie progressed Dean seemed to manage to manoeuvre Sam so that he was practically sat in Dean’s lap. Both of Dean’s arms circled his waist, his thumbs rubbing circles into his stomach.  Sam sighed with happiness and snuggled closer into Dean. He placed his hands over Dean and Dean turned them over to weave his fingers through Sam’s. Sam thought that he was going to explode with all these feelings. Every inch of skin that Dean has touched burnt hotter than the sun. His heart was racing as fast as the wind.

“Dean…” he sighed.

Dean pressed a gentle kiss into Sam’s hair.

“Love you Sammy,” he whispered.

Sam’s face burst into a smile. He knew Dean didn’t mean it like he wanted him to mean it but it was still so nice to hear it said. Dean would never want him like Sam wanted Dean but that was okay. This was enough. It would always be enough. Brothers.

They watched the rest of the film in silence, holding hands in a close embrace that would have them mistaken for lovers if anyone had bothered to look.

By the time they got home Dad had gone out, probably to the nearest bar. Dean often joined him but not tonight. Tonight was all about Sammy. There was a card and a small package on the table for Sam from Dad. Sam ignored it in favour of stripping down to his boxers and climbing into bed with Dean.

Dean pulled Sam close against his chest, one hand flat against Sam’s stomach.

“Thanks for today,” Sam whispered, not wanted to speak too loud and break the moment.

“Welcome,” muttered Dean, clearly fighting sleep with every breath.

Sam closed his eyes and tangled his legs in Dean’s. He really wasn’t sure he would ever have such a perfect birthday again.


	4. May 2nd 1998

Sam woke on his 15th birthday to an empty motel room. He rolled out of bed, hair sticking up in all directions, and picked up the cereal box off the table. He grabbed handfuls of the Lucky Charms and stuffed them into his mouth. Dean had said he would be back the day before. Peeking out of the filthy window, Sam could see the Impala wasn’t there. He tried not to worry. It wasn’t like this was the first time that Dean had been late back from a hunt. Usually he was absolutely fine. Never stopped Sam worrying though. He still had flashbacks to a night a few months ago when Dean had been late back from a hunt.

_It was after midnight when the door opened with a bang. Dad appeared in the darkened doorway carrying an unconscious Dean in his arms._

_“Sammy, grab the first aid kit will ya?” Dad yelled as Sam sat bolt upright in his bed._

_Rubbing his eyes, Sam focused in on the scene in front of him._

_“Dad? What happened?”_

_“First aid kit. Now,” Dad said gruffly._

_Sam clambered out of bed and picked up the first aid kit from the bathroom._

_“Scissors. Thread. Needle,” barked Dad as Sam rooted through the box to find the items, “and some alcohol.”_

_Sam ran to the cupboard and found the bottle of vodka that sat there. There had been much more of it when Dad and Dean left but Sam didn’t think Dad would care right now. He watched as Dad sloshed it copiously across a huge cut that lay across Dean’s stomach._

_“What happened?” Sam asked again, “Is Dean okay?”_

_He was starting to panic now. Dean hadn’t moved an inch and Sam could see that his breathing was shallow and quick. Tears ran down Sam’s face as the true horror of the situation became clear to him._

_“What happened? What happened?” Sam shouted, his heart beating at a thousand miles an hour. “Tell me what happened!”_

_Dad just grunted as he began to sew up Dean’s wound. After what felt like hours, Dad stepped away from Dean and turned to Sam, who had collapsed on the floor in hysterics. His t-shirt was soaked through from crying so hard and his head was pounding._

_“Go clean yourself up Sam. He’ll be fine.”_

_Slowly Sam pulled himself up onto his feet and, grabbing a clean t shirt from his duffle, headed into the bathroom. He ran the taps and splashed water over his face. However hard he tried, he couldn’t get the image of a motionless, bleeding Dean out of his head. He knew that there was a high possibility that one day Dean wouldn’t be fine. One day Dean might not return from that hunt and Sam would have to cope without him somehow._

Sam sat down on Dean’s bed. Dean had only slept in it a couple of nights. Sam had slept in it for the past week, burying his head into the pillow to catch Dean’s scent. Sam threw the empty cereal packet to the side and lay himself out across the bed.

“Happy birthday to me, not,” he muttered under his breath. He reached down and grabbed one of Dean’s shirts that he had left behind. He put it over his nose and breathed in that all too familiar scent. The smell made him think things that he thought he would have outgrown by now. He had hoped that it might just be hero worship and that once he was old enough, he would transfer the sexual feelings onto someone else, like maybe one of the pretty girls at school. No such luck though. Pressing the shirt closer against his face just made Sam hornier. Figuring he might as well take the opportunity while he was alone, Sam pushed his hand down underneath the waistband of his boxers, his cock wakening up at the sensation. Sam gently squeezed it and began rubbing it calmly. He had no need to rush. It wasn’t like there was anyone else around.

Sam had no idea how long he lay there in a haze of sex and Dean. At some point his motions got faster and he began to moan. His mind was full of Dean. He imagined Dean’s hands on his cock, pulling and twisting in the way that Sam had seen. Sam had spent too many nights pretending to be asleep while watching Dean jerk off in the next bed or, on one memorable occasion a few months ago, in the same bed.

_It was late at night in a skeezy motel somewhere in the south. Dad had got a room with two beds and immediately fallen fast asleep in the one nearest the door, snoring loudly. Sam and Dean fought silently to see who would get to use the bathroom first, Dean had won as usual. Sam pushed his way in anyway and brushed his teeth next to Dean, jostling his shoulder from time to time._

_When they had both finished, they climbed into the other bed and settled down to sleep. Sam fell asleep quickly but was awoken an hour later by a strange noise. His first thought was that Dean was having a nightmare but when he opened his eyes a crack to see, he saw that Dean was awake, his eyes open and staring at the ceiling. Another moan passed through Dean’s lips and Sam noticed that Dean’s hand was moving underneath the covers. He almost fell off the bed in shock, only his hunting instinct to stay still and quiet preventing his from being discovered. Dean was jerking off right there in the bed next to him! Sam wanted more than anything to just stretch out his hand and touch Dean. He couldn’t though. Couldn’t let Dean know how much of a freak he was for enjoying this. Normal brothers would not want to help their brothers masturbate._

_Sam lay as still as he could, trying to keep his breathing calm and slow as though he was still asleep. Dean continued to move his hand up and down, causing the covers to rise and fall. He gradually sped up and his breathing got faster and shallower until at last his eyes squeezed shut and he let out a gentle sigh. Sam was fascinated. Dean looked so blissful. Sam wanted even more to touch Dean. He wanted to make Dean feel like that._

_After a moment Dean slipped silently out of bed and headed towards the bathroom and Sam heard the faucet running. He was back in a matter of seconds, slipping under the covers and nudging Sam’s bare legs with his cold feet. Sam grunted quietly and was surprising to find Dean’s arm snaking around him._

_“Sorry Sammy, didn’t mean to wake you,” Dean whispered as he pulled Sam’s body closer to his, one hand gently carding through Sam’s hair. “Go back to sleep.”_

_Dean pressed his lips into Sam’s hair as Sam drifted back to sleep, dreaming of Dean’s hands all over his body._

The memory of that night pushed Sam closer to the edge. He began to pant and groan at the sensations coursing through his body.

“Dean…”

He continued, getting closer and closer. He pictured not Dean’s hands but Dean’s lips, sucking him down like his cock was the best tasting lollipop in the world.

“Oh god! Oh god! Dean!”

He was so close now. He swiped at his slit with his thumb and reached his other hand down to his balls.

Just as his climax hit there was a sudden bang. Too late to do anything about it, Sam came with a cry of Dean’s name.

After a couple of seconds he opened his eyes to find out about the source of the bang. There, stood frozen in the doorway of the motel, eyes fixed on Sam, was Dean. Sam stared at him and then, leaping off the bed, ran into the bathroom.

He curled up in a ball behind the locked door, thoughts racing through his mind. How could this have happened? How did he not hear the car approach? What is Dean going to do to him now he knows the truth? Sam heard the motel room door slam shut and he listened harder, trying to work out whether Dean was still in the room or whether he had run out and left Sam. Sam wouldn’t blame him if it was the latter. Who would want to stay with a brother who is having incestuous feelings towards them? The distinctive sound of the impala’s engine starting up told Sam what had happened. Dean was gone. He’d just ruined the one good thing in his life with a purely selfish act. Tears ran down his face. Would Dean every return? How would he explain it to dad? Maybe Dean would tell dad and they would both go off somewhere and leave Sam behind. He wasn’t fit to be a part of the family anymore.

Pulling himself to his feet, Sam turned on the water. He splashed the cold water over his face to try to hide the tear marks that were streaking across his face. God. How could he be so foolish? He knew Dean was due back at any point. Now that moment of pleasure might have just ruined his entire life.

Sam opened the door to the bathroom and found his duffle bag. He dug around in it to find some clothes and pulled them on. His mind still spinning out of control, he grabbed the little money that he had and headed out of the door. The slam of the motel door behind him felt like the slamming shut of the phase of his life with Dean. Without any clear idea where he was going or what he would do, Sam set off walking down the road.

The town they were staying in was small but busy. Cars honked at Sam as he wandered across the road without looking. What was the point in staying alive without Dean? He drifted past grocery shops and diners, winding his way in and out of the other residents as they ran errands. His feet took him to the local library, a large stone building with a small museum in the basement. He headed for the back of the library where he knew there would be no one else around. Surrounded by the local history books, Sam flopped to the floor. He’d been here a couple of weeks ago, just before Dad and Dean had left. Dad had needed some research doing on the local ghost lore before he set off and he’d persuaded a reluctant Sam to help out. There was something about a library that made Sam feel safe. Whenever an argument had happened and Sam had stormed off, he had always sort out the local library. People didn’t ask questions in a library, they just let you be if you were quiet.

Sam had no idea how long he sat there, knees tucked up to his chest, head leaning back on the bookshelves. Eventually the security guard came round at closing time and Sam was forced to leave. He walked round town aimlessly until he realised that his stomach was aching for food. He picked up a burger from the nearest diner and wandered slowly back to the motel. The room was still pitch black and the impala was still missing from the parking lot. He threw the remains of the burger in the trash and curled up under the covers.

At some point in the evening he must have drifted off to sleep. He was woken by the ancient bed springs creaking as someone sat down on the bed next to him. Sam opened his eyes to find Dean staring down at him. Dean reached out his hand and carded his fingers through Sam’s hair.

“S’ok Sammy. Go back to sleep,” he murmured.

Sam’s eyes closed as he relished the feeling of Dean’s fingers. He didn’t understand why Dean was back but he could feel his spirit settle with every touch. Maybe things would be okay. Maybe Dean didn’t see much after all. Maybe Dean still didn’t know how much of a freak his little brother was.

Dean kicked off his shoes and coat and nudged Sam.

“Budge over kiddo.”

Obligingly Sam wriggled over to the other side of the bed. Dean slipped under the covers next to him, eyes fixed on Sam’s face. He reached over a hand and gently stroked Sam’s face, his fingers starting from his forehead and tracing down the side of his face to his chin. Sam pressed his face into Dean’s fingers. He didn’t understand what was happening. He was beginning to think that it might all be a dream. The real Dean wouldn’t touch him like this, not with such reverence.

“God, Sammy,” Dean practically moaned. He shuffled closer to Sam and Sam could feel the heat pouring off his body. Dean smelt of alcohol, not really a surprise, what else would he have done after having caught his brother jerking off to him? His words were not slurred though so Sam knew he was not that far gone. Whatever was happening here was not the drink talking, this was Dean.

Sam reached over and put his hand on Dean’s waist. He wanted to reassure Dean that this was okay, the touching and the closeness. Dean shuddered under his touch.

“Dean?” Sam whispered, “You okay?”

Dean pulled closer still. Now their bodies were lined up against each other toe to chest. Dean’s face was mere inches from Sam’s, his fingers still tracing up and down Sam’s face. Sam’s eyes drifted down to look at Dean’s lips. His tongue shot out and licked them as Sam’s eyes traced the movement. Sam wanted to kiss Dean more than ever, his whole body crying out for the gentle press on lips on lips. He moved forward until their noses were brushing.

Suddenly Dean’s fingers stopped moving. His eyes opened wide and he stared as though he had only just realised what was happening. Then he pushed Sam away hard and practically threw himself off the bed. He stood there looking at Sam, rubbing his hand over his face.

“I can’t. We can’t. God Sammy, I’m so sorry.”

Sam closed his eyes. He didn’t want to see Dean leave again. He waited for the slam of the door and the sound of the impala’s engine again but they never came. Slowly he opened his eyes again. Dean was in the other bed, curled into a ball with the blankets completely covering him. Sam could see his shoulders heaving in silent sobs. Sam wanted to comfort him but from Dean’s earlier reactions he decided it was not worth it. Dean was still here and that was the important thing. He did not want to scare him off again.


	5. May 2nd 1999

Dean had been teasing him mercilessly about his ‘sweet sixteenth’ for months now so when Sam woke up, he half expected the room to be full of pink balloons or something equally annoying. The room appeared normal though. He could see Dean outside in the car lot, drinking beer on the hood of the impala. Dad was away on some hunt again with a rental. Sam rolled out of bed and into the bathroom. Glancing at himself in the mirror as he walked past, something caught his eye. There was a tiara on his head.

“Dean!” he shouted. He could imagine Dean’s smirk as he heard the shout. Sam marched straight outside in his pyjama pants and approached Dean. Dean smiled as he got close and moved across the hood to give Sam enough space to sit.

“And how is my pretty, pretty princess?” he asked gesturing at the tiara, “Did you get your beauty sleep?”

Sam scowled at him and pulled off the tiara, throwing on the ground next to the car. Then he hopped up on the hood next to Dean. Dean leant over and put his arm around Sam’s shoulders. Sam shivered as Dean’s fingers touched his bare skin and wriggled closer to Dean’s heat. It wasn’t exactly cold down in Texas but there was still a bit of the night’s chill in the air at this time in the morning so the extra warmth was very welcome. He could smell Dean’s scent this close up. He had a faint smell of alcohol and smoke about him. Sam wondered if Dean had even been to bed yet. He knew that he had gone out last night and Sam had fallen fast asleep before Dean returned. He hoped that Dean hadn’t spent the night with one of his girls again. Sam really hated when he did that, the stab of jealously in his belly got worse each time. Sam absentmindedly ran his fingers over Dean’s denim covered leg. There was no smell of sex about Dean or strange stains on his jeans so it appeared that there had been no girl last night at least. Smiling, he let his hand rest on Dean’s knee. Dean downed the rest of the bottle and put it aside. He turned slightly to look at Sam. His eyes darted back and forth between Sam’s face and his bare chest.

“You know most people put clothes on before they leave the house,” he said quietly.

“Want me to put a shirt on?” Sam asked, blushing under Dean’s scrutiny. He held Dean’s gaze, silently daring him to do something.

“No,” Dean breathed and then turned away, his cheeks turning a ferocious red.

Ever since last year, Sam had got the feeling that Dean wanted him in the same way that Sam wanted Dean. There were all these little hints, little flirtations that would come his way, just like this. Sam didn’t push it at all, not after the pain he had left Dean in last time. Dean clearly had some understanding of how Sam felt, so now it was up to Dean to make the next move, or not. Sam however, was not above parading his body around a bit to make Dean look, and look he did. Sam had lost count of the number of times that he had turned to Dean to find his eyes boring into him. Sam could feel his eyes tracing his bare chest when he came out of the shower and down his legs when he wore his soccer shorts. He began making a point of forgetting to take clean clothes into the bathroom and changing right in front of Dean in the bedroom instead. He stopped wearing a shirt to bed, complaining about getting too hot in the night but he didn’t think that Dean believed him.

“Got you something,” said Dean, turning back to Sam.

He dug around in his jean’s pocket and produced a small item. Sam grabbed at it and looked closely. It was a fake ID stating that Sam Winchester was just turned 21. Sam looked back at Dean.

“What’s this for?” he asked, “I’ll never be able to pass for 21.”

“Sure you will. No one looks closely at those things anyway. We are going into town tonight to try it out. I checked out all the best bars last night. Not taking you to any old sleazy bar for your first proper drink.”

Dean smirked at Sam. He knew full well that Sam had drunk before; he had given Sam his first beer himself. But there was always something different about drinking in a bar.

“Just let me sleep for a few hours then I’ll take you out on the town,” Dean said.

Sam nodded at Dean, not quite knowing what to say. He was grateful that Dean was taking him out to a bar but realistically he would have preferred to stay put and have Dean all to himself without all those girls throwing themselves at him.

Dean slid down off the hood and headed into the motel room. Sam followed him in to use the shower. When he was finished, he found Dean passed out on his bed, still fully clothed. Sam dressed quickly and quietly, picked up his bag and headed outside. He had an essay to write for school so he set off walking towards the library. Dean would know where to find him.

It was after four when Dean wandered into the library. Sam was working at the only desk in the room. Dean sat down heavily on the chair next to Sam and picked up the textbook.

“World History,” he read, “What are you doing studying on your birthday Sammy?”

“Not much else to do round here,” Sam whispered, nervously glancing at the librarian behind the desk. Dean’s disregard for silence in libraries had gotten both of them thrown out too many times.

“Good job your big brother is here to rescue you from your nerdish ways,” said Dean, still speaking at a normal volume. The librarian was staring at him now. Dean gave her a grin and turned back to Sam. “So you ready to hit the town?”

Sam grinned at Dean, trying to feel happy about the situation. He put his books back into his bag and stood up. Dean followed him out of the library. The librarian looked visibly relieved that they were leaving. The impala was just outside and Sam threw the bag into the back seat.

“So where is this bar of yours?” he asked. Dean smirked and grabbed his arm.

“Just across the street,” he said as he pulled Sam with him into what looked like a seriously dingy bar. The windows were darkened and the sign, “Lola’s” hung crooked above the door. Sam was surprised to find that it was much pleasanter on the inside. It was still dark but it was clean and the furniture looked fairly new. Dean plonked himself on a bar stool and indicated the one next to him. Sam sat down.

“Two beers, love,” Dean said to the barmaid. She looked them up and down.

“IDs please,” she said.

Dean pulled his out of his wallet and nudged Sam to do the same. The barmaid only gave them a cursory glance before reaching for two glasses and filling them with beer. She pushed one towards Sam as Dean threw down the payment on the bar.

“Keep the change,” he said with a smirk that promised everything. The barmaid blushed slightly and thanked him.

Sam knew where this was going. It was going where it always did. Dean would ignore him for the whole night in favour of chatting up the barmaid and, as soon as her shift was over, Sam would be told to stay in the car as Dean took her back to the motel.  Sam always hated this but tonight was even worse. Tonight was his birthday and he had hoped for so much more.

“Hey, what’s with the face?” said Dean.

Sam looked up to discover that Dean had turned away from the barmaid and was looking at him with a concerned look on his face.

“It’s your birthday, you can’t be showing me the bitch face.”

“Jerk,” Sam retorted without thinking. Then he smiled. Turned out that Dean was going to pay attention to him tonight after all.

“So birthday boy, going to make a birthday wish?” asked Dean. Sam turned bright red as he imagined his wish. It was the same wish that he had been wishing for years now; he wished that he could kiss Dean.

Dean reached over and stroked his cheek. For a moment, Sam couldn’t breathe. He thought his wish was coming true that moment.

“I know what you’re thinking about,” said Dean quietly. Sam’s heart leapt into his mouth. “It’s that pretty girl from school. The one you’ve been hanging out with at lunchtime.”

Sam visibly deflated. “Oh,” he said.

“Knew it!” said Dean. Sam smiled sadly. Maybe it was easier to let Dean believe that he was into this girl. Maybe it was easier to let Dean believe that the incident last year was a one off and that there was no big incestuous crush going on. He listened as Dean rattled off her good and bad points. He had no idea how Dean knew so much about Vicky but Dean always had his ways. He smiled and laughed along and soon the conversation changed and Sam began enjoying spending the time with his brother.

After a couple of hours, Dean ordered them burgers and fries and they moved over to a table to eat them. Sam pulled his chair up close to Dean’s and Dean leant his knee against Sam’s. It was comfortable, just the two of them together in a crowded bar. Dean kept sneaking glances at Sam over his burger. Feeling slightly drunk, Sam was loose limbed and craving more physical contact with Dean. He leant further into Dean’s warmth.

“Thanks Dean,” he said, letting his hand fall onto Dean’s knee. “Thanks for everything.”

Sam gently squeezed Dean’s knee and Dean didn’t pull away, just continued to eat his food in silence. Feeling brave, Sam slid his hand further up Dean’s leg and squeezed again. Dean put down his burger and looked Sam in the eyes. Dean’s eyes were wide and he was breathing heavier than usual.

“Not now Sammy, not here,” he muttered. He reached down to Sam’s hand and removed it from his leg. Sam took the opportunity to lace his fingers through Dean’s. Dean let him. His eyes were darting all over the place, from their joined hands to Sam’s face to his food to the barmaid from earlier. Sam didn’t care where his eyes were as long as he didn’t let go.

“Eat up,” murmured Dean, “Need to get out of here.”

He dropped Sam’s hand and began eating quickly. Sam followed suit, unsure about what was happening but very intrigued by the turn of events.

Minutes later, with two empty plates in front of them, Dean reached into his wallet and pulled out a few notes. Dropping them on the table, he made eye contact with the barmaid before practically running out of the bar. Sam followed him.

They headed back across the road to the Impala. Dean sat in the driver’s seat and Sam climbed into the passenger side. He expected Dean to start up the engine straight away but Dean just sat there staring out in front of him. Sam reached over and placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder. They stayed like that for a few minutes until Dean was shocked out of his trance by a group of teenagers walking by on the sidewalk. He turned to Sam.

“I don’t know what to do Sammy,” he whispered, “I’m so messed up.”

Sam opened his mouth to ask what this was all about but Dean just shook his head.

“Don’t want to talk about it Sammy.”

He shrugged Sam’s hand off his shoulder and started up the Impala. They drove along the main street towards the motel. Sam leant back in his seat and closed his eyes. He opened them a few minutes later to find that Dean had driven straight past the motel and out into the countryside. Sam looked at Dean confused.

“Where are we going?”

Dean didn’t answer, just kept on driving. Sam let him. He wasn’t sure what Dean was going through at the moment but if this helped then that was fine.

It was probably only another ten minutes or so when Dean pulled the car up on the side of the road and climbed out. Sam followed him silently. They clambered over a fence and walked across a field. In the corner of the field was an old, wooden barn that clearly hadn’t been used in years. The timbers on the roof looked like they might fall off any moment. Dean walked around the back of it and leant his body against the wall. Sam stood next to him.

“Dean?” he asked quietly, “Are you okay?”

Dean turned his piercing eyes on Sam. He grabbed Sam by the wrist and pulled him in close to his side. Sam let himself be manoeuvred by Dean’s strong hands. He ended up plastered against Dean’s side, legs entangled and Dean’s chin resting on the top of his head. A familiar position for them. The difference in heights was beginning to narrow now. Sam wondered how long his head would fit under Dean’s chin for.

Something wet dripped onto Sam’s cheek. He looked up to find Dean crying silently. Sam reached up his hand without thinking and wiped the tears off Dean’s cheek. Dean pressed his face into Sam’s hand and the tears got worse. Sam didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what was making Dean so upset. He couldn’t remember the last time that Dean had cried in front of him like this. He wrapped both of his arms tightly around Dean and hugged him. He felt Dean’s arms returning the hug and gradually Dean calmed down and stopped crying.

Sam tried to take a step back as he felt the tears subside but Dean just tightened his grip on Sam.

“Don’t let go, not yet,” came the whisper. So Sam hung onto him. And they stood there, as close as they could be, hidden from sight behind the old barn.

The closeness to Dean’s warm body was producing a reaction in Sam that he didn’t want to have. He felt his cock beginning to harder. He pulled back, trying to get out of Dean’s grasp but Dean was not letting go. Dean just pulled Sam in closer to him. However hard Sam tried to keep his crotch well away from Dean, it was just not possible. Sam let out a groan as he felt his hard cock rub against Dean’s thigh. He panicked. What was Dean’s reaction going to be?

“I’m sorry Dean,” he mumbled as he tried once again to free himself from the embrace, “so sorry.”

Dean moved suddenly, flipping Sam so that his back was against the wall and Dean was boxing him in.

“No need to be sorry, Sammy,” he breathed into Sam’s ear as he brought his own crotch closer to Sam’s. Sam gasped as he felt the hard line of Dean’s cock against his own.

“Dean…”

Dean ground against Sam harder.

“God Sammy, the things you do to me,” he whispered, his lips touching Sam’s ear and sending a shiver down his spine.

Dean’s hands moved gently from their position on either side of Sam. One hand rubbed Sam’s arm while the other landed on his cheek. Sam leant into the touch, unable to help himself. He closed his eyes. He could feel Dean getting closer again now.

With a touch as light as a feather, Dean pressed his lips to Sam’s. The resulting gasp from Sam allowed him to slip his tongue into Sam’s mouth, and they were kissing desperately. Sam pulled Dean closer to him as they kissed, wanting to feel every part of him. His whole body was on fire. He couldn’t believe that this was actually happening, couldn’t believe that Dean wanted him like this.

But all too soon the moment was over. Dean pulled away, pushing Sam back as he tried to follow his lips, never wanting the kiss to end.

Sam opened his eyes. Dean was stood a few steps away. Sam could see his whole body shaking as Dean’s arms wrapped around his own body.

“Dean?” he said, almost afraid of Dean’s reaction.

Dean looked at him, his eyes full of sorrow and regret. Sam’s heart sank and he felt his knees go weak. He knew it had all been too good to be true. Why would Dean want him like that? Who would want him like that? He was a freak. A dirty, perverted freak.

Dean had gone before Sam hit the floor. Sam heard the sound of the Impala starting up as he sat there on the floor, back still firmly against the wall of the barn. The roar as the Impala set off down the road barely registered with Sam. He had no idea what to do. He didn’t think he was that far from the motel so he could probably walk back but he didn’t want to go back. Not after this. How could he look at Dean when the wrongness within Sam had leaked out and infected Dean. Dean didn’t want this. Dean wanted to get away from him.

Sam shoved his hands into his pockets to see what he had with him. His search produced a couple of dollars, a handful of change and a stick of gum. Everything else was in the bag he left in the car, a lifetime ago. Just as he was about to set off back to the motel, he remembered Dean’s present. It was in the pocket of his jacket. The fake ID. This was his ticket to freedom. With this, he could do what Dad and Dean had been doing for ages. He’d watched them for so long, he knew precisely what to do.

It was a long walk back to town but Sam didn’t care. He had a plan now and he never needed to go back to Dean. Dean was better off without him. He would be better off without a pervy little brother hanging around and trying to kiss him. And Sam would be better off out of there. No more hunting. No more Dad shouting at him. He could go off and live his own life. And maybe those wrong feelings would go away after a while. Then he could see Dean again and they could be brothers again just like before. Before any of these bad feelings crept between them like darkness at night.

Sam didn’t go back to the bar he’d been in earlier. Didn’t want to be reminded of what happened earlier. Just a bit further down the road was a biker’s bar complete with a raft of motorbikes parked outside. Sam took a moment to breath in confidence, and then he stepped into the bar. He bought a beer with the last of his money and wandered over to the pool tables. There were a group of guys shooting pool and drinking. Sam took a sip of his beer and pulled a chair over close to them. He watched for a few minutes until one of the guys looked over at him.

“Hey kid, wanna play?” he said with a leer at Sam’s long legs.

“Don’t know how,” lied Sam. He made a show of checking out the guy. This would be easy.

“I’ll teach ya,” he replied, coming closer and removing the beer from Sam’s hand. “Always happy to help teach young uns the ways of the world.”

Sam blushed. He wasn’t at all attracted to the man but it was nice to feel wanted. He let himself be lead to the table. A cue was placed in his hands and he fumbled with it, partly for show and partly due to the warmth of the man behind him. Large hands moved his own hands into place and adjusted his grip. The man pressed in close behind him and Sam could feel the hard line of his cock. He shivered.

“Not scared are you?,” the man breathed into his ear.

“No. Should I be?” Sam asked, feigning innocence.

“That depends.”

Sam took a shot. The ball bounced off the table onto the floor. He grinned.

“Don’t think I’m any good at this.”

The man gripped his shoulders and turned him around.

“Bet there’s lots of things you are good at,” he said. Sam felt a pressure on his shoulders. He sunk to his knees without thinking.

“There’s a good boy,” the man muttered, “You know what to do.”

Faced with an unfamiliar denim clad crotch, Sam started to panic. This wasn’t what he wanted. He watched with horror as the man unbuttoned his flies and reached into his boxers.

Then all of a sudden, the man was on the floor. Sam looked about in confusion.

Dean was stood behind him.

“That’s my kid brother,” he yelled at the man. He grabbed Sam under the armpit and pulled him to his feet.

“We are getting out of here,” he said, face like thunder. Sam tried to protest but Dean frogmarched him out of the bar and into the waiting Impala.

“What were you thinking of Sammy? Couldn’t get into your big brother’s pants so you thought you’d just suck some random stranger’s dick?”

Dean’s voice was so loud that Sam winced. He shook his head, “No Dean, I was just trying to hustle some pool, that’s all.”

“Well you have a funny way of going about it. I have half a mind to tell Dad about this when he gets back.”

Sam turned away from Dean and looked out of the window. He knew Dean wouldn’t really tell Dad. He wondered what Dean was doing in the bar himself. He daren’t ask. Dean was still shouting but Sam wasn’t taking in the words anymore. He didn’t care what Dean thought. Sure, he was grateful for the sudden removal from a situation going rapidly downhill but he didn’t want to be in the same car as Dean again now. He considered just opening the door and jumping out. He could see his backpack on the back seat. He could grab that and go. There was money in there, enough for a few days. He could get out, hitchhike to a new town and find a job.

He turned around so he could reach his bag and caught a glimpse of Dean. There were tears running down his face. Sam listen carefully to the words that were now whispered.

“Was so scared that I had lost you Sammy. Don’t know what I’d do without you. Don’t want to live if you aren’t there. Please forgive me. I can’t do everything. Can’t do much really. But I can’t lose you or I’d die.”

Sam withdrew his hand from the back seat and placed it on Dean’s arm.

“You’re not going to lose me,” he said quietly. Dean smiled a sad little smile in response.

“Oh I will eventually Sammy. You’re just too good for me.”


	6. May 2nd 2000

The motel room was eerily quiet when Sam woke up on the morning of his 17th birthday. Dean and Dad were off on some hunt again leaving Sam to languish in some backwater town in Louisiana. The closeness that had always been between the brothers had been frayed ever since last year so Sam wasn’t surprised at all when, just a few days before his birthday, Dean announced that he was going with Dad on a hunt and wouldn’t be back for a couple of weeks. He had thrust a stack of notes into Sam’s hands and told him to buy himself something nice for his birthday.

The motel that Sam had been left in was of a higher standard than usual. There were no unexplained stains anywhere and the shower pumped out as much high pressure hot water as you wanted. There was even a small pool out the back that appeared clean and well maintained. Sam had taken full advantage of it at the weekend, stretching out his long body in the water. He’d swum lengths for a bit, marvelling at how his muscles responded to the exercise. He was nowhere near as muscular as Dean yet but he could see the definition in the muscles now as he grew into his adult body. The sun was warm on his back as he swam and he rolled in the water to feel the heat on his stomach. He’d thought about inviting someone from school back to the pool, maybe the pretty girl in his English class, or the intriguing boy from Biology. But in the end he had just enjoyed the peace. Maybe next weekend he would ask them, if Dean and Dad hadn’t turned up by then and whisked him away.

Reluctantly, Sam crawled out of bed and headed into the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror. No different than the night before. He knew it was ridiculous to think otherwise, but he still liked to check nothing had changed with the change in his age. He splashed water onto his face to wake himself up and used the toilet. He rummaged through his duffel to find some suitable clothes for the day. Then he grabbed a banana from the side, along with his school bag, and headed out of the door. That was one advantage of not having anyone else around, he could eat what he wanted and no one would make fun of him for wanting healthy food.

He jogged down the road towards the bus stop. The local high school was in the next town over. It was a surprisingly good one, considering it was in the back end of nowhere, and Sam had signed himself up for plenty of AP classes. He was pretty certain that neither Dad nor Dean knew he had done that. Dad considered school a drain on good hunting resources and would have preferred Sam to drop out like Dean had done. Dean was always on Sam’s side every time this argument came up, for which Sam was grateful, but Dean didn’t understand Sam’s drive to learn. And he wouldn’t understand why Sam was taking AP classes. The only reason people take them is to get into a good college. And Sam was really not ready to have that discussion with Dean, or Dad, anytime soon.

The bus was pulled up at the stop when Sam got there. Luckily there were a number of students waiting to get on so Sam had a chance to catch his breath and grab some change out of his pocket to pay the bus driver. As he climbed onto the bus, someone came running up behind him.

“Oh thank god, thought I’d missed it again!” said a male voice behind Sam. He turned to find one of the boys from his biology class panting for breath.

“My dad would kill me if he had to drive me in again, I missed the bus all of last week,” the boy continued. Sam smiled at him as he handed the bus driver a pile of change. He took the last empty double seat on the bus. The other boy followed him.

“Can I sit here?” he asked. Sam moved over to give him room. He was unreasonably nervous around this boy.

“You’re the new kid from my bio class aren’t you.”

Sam nodded in reply.

“Ryan Fletcher,” said the boy, sticking out his hand. Sam took it, hoping that his hand wasn’t sweating too hard.

“Sam, Sam Winchester.”

“Nice to meet you Sam Winchester.” Ryan’s eyes travelled down Sam’s body before returning to his face. Ryan’s cheeks turned a slight pink colour, matching Sam’s.

 Sam shook his head and tried to think straight. He was very attracted to Ryan and he was starting to feel like Ryan might feel something too.

“So, you new in town?” asked Ryan.

“My dad travels with work. I’m here for a few weeks while he finishes a job.”

“What’s he do?”

“He’s a mechanic.”

“Oh, okay,” said Ryan, clearly slightly confused. Sam decided not to enlighten him further. Too difficult a conversation.

“So what is there to do around here?” he asked instead.

“Not much really,” replied Ryan, “There’s a diner with some old arcade games in. I sometimes head over there in an evening. Nearest cinema is a half hour drive away but I can’t drive yet so that’s out. And the owner of the bar knows precisely how old I am so no underage drinking for me.”

“You doing anything tonight?” asked Sam, surprising himself with his boldness. “I’m in on my own and I know where my dad hid the whiskey this time.”

“Sure,” said Ryan, “Whereabouts do you live?”

“I’m staying at the motel on Main Street.”

“The one with the pool? Awesome. We used to sneak in there during the summer.”

Sam smiled. The usual reaction to him living in a motel was less positive.

“Is the pool open yet?” asked Ryan.

“Yeah. Went swimming at the weekend.”

Ryan grinned at Sam. Sam felt a warmth inside him that only usually appeared when Dean looked at him.

“We can swim tonight if you like,” he said.

“Sounds great,” said Ryan.

Just at that moment, the bus pulled up in front of the school and the other kids began to get off.

Ryan put his hand on Sam’s arm as he stood up. Sam’s skin tingled under the gentle touch.

“See you in bio?” he said.

“Sure,” said Sam, trying desperately not to blush. He didn’t think that he could feel like this about someone who wasn’t Dean. It was good. It made Sam hopeful that someday he could have a normal relationship and not constantly be reminded of Dean. He’d love to have that, to be normal.

Still daydreaming of a potential future life, Sam followed Ryan into school and down the corridor to his first class.

Ryan was already on the bus when Sam got on that afternoon. He waved and Sam sat down in the seat next to him.

“Thanks for agreeing to come over,” said Sam. He took a deep breath. “It’s my birthday.”

Ryan turned to face him. “And your dad can’t make it back? That sucks.”

“I’m used to it. Still nice to not be alone on my birthday.”

Ryan gently placed his hand on Sam’s arm, his thumb moving up and down along Sam’s bare skin. Sam could feel goosebumps rising on his arm. He looked up at Ryan.

“I’m glad you asked me,” Ryan said quietly, his words only belonging to Sam, “I don’t want you to be alone.”

Sam smiled nervously. He reached over and squeezed Ryan’s knee, moving his hand quickly away afterwards.

They didn’t say another word to each other for the rest of the journey but Ryan’s hand didn’t move from Sam’s arm. When the bus stopped, Ryan followed Sam down the road to the motel and into his room.

“Want something to eat?” asked Sam, not sure what to do now that he was alone with Ryan.

“Yeah, what have you got?”

Sam checked the cupboard and found some chips. He threw the bag at Ryan who caught it deftly. As Ryan opened the chips and began eating, Sam reached around the back of the sink and pulled out a bottle of whiskey.

“Drink?” he asked Ryan. He didn’t really care if Ryan wanted one or not. He needed one. There was a whole gang of butterflies in his stomach and he needed them to calm down right now. He took a swig from the bottle and handed it over. Ryan drank as well and they sat in silence at the small table, sharing the whiskey and the chips.

“Let’s go swimming,” said Ryan eventually, breaking the awkward silence that had built up. Before Sam could answer, Ryan was pulling off his shirt. Sam stopped breathing for a moment. Ryan was gorgeous. While nothing like as muscular as Dean was, he had definition and a flat stomach. Ryan caught Sam staring and blushed.

“You can’t swim in all those clothes,” he said, waving his hand at Sam’s shirt. Obediently, Sam removed it and the two boys stood topless just staring at each other. With a deliberate look directly into Sam’s eyes, Ryan began to remove his jeans. Sam copied. Jeans removed, both boys stood in just their boxers staring at each other. Ryan took a step towards Sam who panicked and stepped back. Noticing Sam’s nervousness, Ryan didn’t approach again, instead turning towards the door.

“Race ya to the pool,” he said before sprinting towards the door.

Sam, used to racing Dean everywhere, pushed straight past Ryan through the door. Round the back of the building, he leapt over the fence around the pool and straight into the water. There was an icy chill to it this evening but Sam didn’t mind. Ryan joined him seconds later, splashing Sam with water.

They hung around in the pool for around an hour, chatting and swimming the occasional length. As the afternoon wore on, the boys began getting a bit cold. Sam was about to suggest they went back inside when he noticed Ryan, stood at the side of the pool, staring at him with hungry eyes. Sam felt his cheeks begin to burn and suddenly the cool of the air wasn’t bothering him anymore. He swam over towards Ryan and before he had a chance to think about what he was doing, he grabbed Ryan’s arms and kissed him.

Ryan kissed back enthusiastically. This kiss wasn’t built up from years’ worth of longing like his kiss with Dean. It was gentle and caring and fun. Sam smiled into the kiss and allowed Ryan to pull him in closer. Ryan took his lips away from Sam’s for a moment, leaving Sam to panic that he had done something wrong. Ryan’s lips, however, returned to Sam’s neck a split second later. Sam tipped back his head to allow Ryan better access. It felt good, really good. He ran his hands down Ryan’s body to rest on his hips, his thumbs playing with the waistband of Ryan’s boxers.

Ryan pulled back from the kiss slightly, his hands still firmly on Sam’s back.

“You can, if you want,” he said, cheeks flushed, nodding towards his boxers.

Sam tipped his head on his side and looked at Ryan. His pupils were blown and he was panting like he had run a marathon.

“Maybe we should go inside,” he said quietly. He clambered out of the pool, Ryan following. When they were both on dry land, Sam shyly reached out and took Ryan’s hand. Ryan squeezed back as they walked towards the motel room.

Once inside, Sam grabbed a couple of towels and they sat next to each other on Sam’s bed, shivering in the threadbare towels. Both boys had suddenly become very shy and neither said a word. Ryan sneaked a hand onto Sam’s bare thigh and Sam placed his own hand on top. They smiled at each other.

Eventually Ryan stood up and began to pull on his clothes.

“I have to go,” he said, “My parents will be expecting me.”

Sam stood as well and pulled his jeans and t shirt on. Ryan picked up his school bag and walked over to the door. He turned back to face Sam with one hand on the door handle.

“Happy birthday, Sam.”

Sam stepped over towards him. He reached out a hand and grabbed Ryan’s arm.

“Thank you for coming, it really means a lot to me.”

Ryan smiled again and Sam leant over to kiss him goodbye.

“See you on the bus tomorrow?” he said.

“Definitely,” replied Ryan and he walked through the door.

Once the door had shut behind him, Sam threw himself on his bed. He had a huge smile on his face and he couldn’t remember a time he felt happier. Well that was a bit of a lie. He was pretty certain he’d felt happier when Dean had kissed him last year. But what had come afterwards was a lot less pleasant. It was really nice to kiss someone and not have them reject you immediately. Ryan was nice and sweet and Sam was looking forward to being able to get to know him better, for as long as he was able to stay in this town.

Sam was almost asleep when he heard a noise from outside the front door. Quick as a flash, he was out of bed, gun in hand. The noise continued. It was as though someone, or something, was trying to scratch their way through the door. Sam crept towards the window to check the salt lines. They seemed intact. The one in front of the door, done after Ryan had left, was fine as well. Sam moved into a dark corner of the room as the door handle shook.

Then there was a grunt from outside, followed by a familiar voice, “Fucking lock, never works.”

Sam ran to the door and unlocked it from the inside. Flinging open the door, he was confronted with Dean.

“You came back!” Sam said, flinging his arms around his brother. He had not expected Dean to come back for his birthday this year at all. The smell of alcohol hanging around Dean didn’t bother him in the slightest.

Dean shook Sam off. 

“Get outta my way,” he said angrily as he stalked towards the bathroom. In the stark light of the room, Sam could see Dean clearly. He didn’t look good at all. He had a black eye and was walking with a slight limp. His face was covered in bruises and, when Sam looked closer, lipstick marks. His clothes were ripped and he was missing the buttons on his shirt.

“What happened to you?” asked Sam.

“Like you care,” spat out Dean.

“I care,” said Sam, “Come on Dean, what happened?”

“You don’t care,” said Dean, almost shouting, “You are too busy with your new boyfriend to care about me!”

“New boyfriend?” asked Sam in confusion.

“That kid you were putting on a floor show with out in the pool!” Dean shouted, throwing his arms up in the air.

“Ryan? What’s Ryan got to do with anything?” said Sam, still very confused. And then it dawned on him.

“You’re jealous,” he said simply.

Dean grabbed him by the shoulders and shoved him up against the world.

“Not jealous,” he growled into Sam’s face.

“You are. You’re too scared to kiss me and now you won’t let anyone else kiss me either,” Sam said calmly.

“Don’t want to kiss you, you’re my brother. I like girls,” Dean growled.

“And girls like you too,” said Sam, reaching up to touch the lipstick marks on Dean’s cheek, “But their boyfriends don’t do they?” He indicated Dean’s black eye.

Sam didn’t know where he was getting his confidence from. He would never usually speak to Dean like this. But he had had enough. Had enough of the way Dean was treating him.

Dean’s shoulders slumped and he let go of Sam. Walking backwards a few steps, he collapsed onto the bed and lay down. After a few minutes he began speaking softly.

“Came back early ‘specially ‘cause it’s your birthday. Saw you and what’s his face in the pool. Didn’t like it Sammy. So I went out and got drunk. This girl, she was hot. Awesome, long legs. She kissed me first. Then her boyfriend turned up with his ugly mates. I tried to fight back but my arms didn’t want to work proper. Too much beer. Now it hurts.”

Sam sat down on the bed next to Dean. He reached over and grabbed Dean’s hand.

“It’s okay Dean. It’s okay.”

“No it’s not. I’m sick Sammy.” Dean tried to wriggle his hand out of Sam’s grasp. Sam hung on tightly.

“I won’t see Ryan anymore if you don’t want me too,” Sam said, his chest feeling tight as he said it. He was torn. He loved Dean, probably always would, but if Dean couldn’t come to terms with his feelings, then what was the point in waiting for him. Ryan, on the other hand was nice and sweet and not too scared to kiss him. He didn’t really want to break it off with Ryan. He knew he was going to have to eventually. There was no way Dad was letting him hang around in this town too much longer. He’d already been going on about getting Sam onto more hunts with him and Dean.

“Is he nice?” asked Dean in a whisper, “Does he treat you right?”

“Yeah Dean, he’s nice.”

“Then you should see him again. He’d better for you than me.”

Sam looked down at Dean as he lay there on the bed.

“No one is better for you than me,” he whispered. He watched as Dean’s eyes shut and he began to snore gently. Sam carefully removed his shoes and pulled the covers over him. He kissed him on the forehead and then headed for his own bed.


End file.
